We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
