Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
