I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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