He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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