I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
