I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he shaved USA in his pubs
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize