Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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