soooo we both peed the bed last night...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
