Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
