I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
