Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
