Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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