Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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