Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
