Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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