After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
