I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
40s are totally the cure
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
