I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
