i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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