Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize