Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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