I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
