ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's blow job season.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize