Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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