nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
