dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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