it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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