wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
