i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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