Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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