Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize