so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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