$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
