It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
