she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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