Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
