I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
