I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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