he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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