At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
