u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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