Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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