worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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