Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
