youre lurking in front of me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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