I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
