i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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