I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
