I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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