Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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