they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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