I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
