I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
