Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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