You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
