You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
