If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have fence marks all over my body
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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