somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
