Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
