letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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