hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
