you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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