I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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