physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize