I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
