Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
