his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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