No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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