Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
