i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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