Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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