Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
