Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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