They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
