I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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