@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
