I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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