Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
