You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
