pedialite and red bull = repair kit
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
