Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
