Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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