You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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