um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
how does that bad decision feel?
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