The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
