i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
