do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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