If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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