you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
