two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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