Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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