I never want to see another naked old woman again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
