These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
