She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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