i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
