You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
