Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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