Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
