Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Everyone says I win the strip club
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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