Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
